Mosquitoes and Telemarketers

On the Church Sign in front of St. Jude’s Church in Fenton, our Priest-in-Charge added a few months ago, “Wish Noah had Swatted Those 2 Mosquitos…”

The Lowly Demon Mosquito

I’ve heard from experts (those folks who spend their life studying these things – at least before DOGE), that in a world where almost every living creature has some value in the created order of things, mosquitoes seem to be an exception.  To me, that means the world would go on quite nicely, and everything would remain in balance, without them (i.e., no ‘unintended consequences’). So, therefore, why would the Creator-of-the-World have included them in the great design for the Universe?  It also means (at least to me) that if we could eliminate them from existence, no one else in all the other created universe would suffer, or be disadvantaged – except perhaps those invested in the insect spray market.

Now, personally, I can live with mosquitoes.  My body chemistry is not super-sensitive to them.  I’m not one to use a lot of bug spray.  But I’ll easily wear long pants, long sleeves, thick leather gloves, a net hat, and I don’t hike in the woods as much as I used to when I was younger.  Used to be I could walk faster than the horde of mosquitoes following me – but that was a while ago.  And I can sleep under mosquito netting.

And so my mind began to wander.  Is there anything else (such as in the “pest” world) that we could get rid of without any “unintended consequences”  And then what to my wondering eyes should appear…

The Telemarketer

For a generally peaceable gentleman like myself, there is only one territory that would, upon approach to the heavenly gates, cause me a protracted side-bar anger management purgatoryette – and that is my wonted hatred, severe dislike of the telemarketer.

Would that Father Noah, upon allowing only one pair each of entrants into the Ark, had been able to sort out the vestigial ancestor of all subsequent telemarketers.  But he didn’t swat them out either.

My particular disadvantage is that, as a business owner, my business phone and my personal (telemarketer accessible) phone number are the same number. 

Genius approach #1

One general rule of thumb that I teach clients is that “whoever has the most choices or behavioral options in a given situation, will run the show.”  (Technically, in the business,  it’s called The Law of Requisite Variety.) It’s a very useful and powerful behavioral awareness. I also noticed that many of my folks had developed their own favorite responses to TMs.  And, of course, I’ve had some favorites of my own to share.

But, for the purpose of my own “professional development,” I had decided that on each occasion, I would develop a new/unique response (aka insult) – sort of like the skills of improv theater. After each performance on my part, I would come up with a new revision, awaiting use for the next offending TM.

I began to notice how good I was getting at this.

Critique #1

However, with this enjoyment, I became aware I had given myself permission to be actually cruel to others – and that gave me pause.  Is that a trait I want to develop and/or practice?  Because I actually enjoyed it.

Critique #2

Then, in conjunction with other developments in my life, where I was becoming more bodily and emotionally aware, I began to notice that when I was in ‘oppositional mode’ with TMs, I also felt increased inner stress, likely an increased blood pressure.  This was not good for my body!  Also it could be that each ‘nasty’ TM encounter was possibly shortening my own life span, and I’m already an “elder.”  

This was becoming an addiction!  And I had to stop.  This wasn’t going to be easy.

Genius approach #2

Comedian Bob Newhart has a well-known brief psychologist parody called, “Stop It!”  (Easy to access on YouTube.)  And I’ve experienced many clients who, facing a behavior or mental pattern, have been able to just “Stop It!”

So, that’s what I would have to do.

Some mornings or afternoons, I’ll get a TM call every 3-5 minutes (even if I’m just monitoring the face of my phone).  And it’s still tempting to want to answer.  And when I do, and hear that ‘jizzy beep’ that always precedes a TM, I’ll quickly hang up (even though it’s still tempting to ‘play’).  Otherwise, I’ll trust a genuine caller to ‘leave a message.’  Then check my phone maybe once an hour – which is what I do when I’m seeing clients.  And sometimes I’ll offer only ‘soft’ insults – like “Oh, so you must be a telemarketer” – they’ll shun that term.

And now that I’m more closely monitoring my body talking to me, I’ll get a ‘no stress’ awareness, and enjoy being more in charge of my life.

Maybe it’s called practicing what I preach.

Perhaps a divine side-purpose of the telemarketer is to teach me to take better care of myself and also avoid further difficulties at the Pearly Gates.  After all, even in airports, we don’t have to remove our shoes anymore.  Isn’t it the little things that can make a difference?  

And there will still be mosquitoes.  So I’ll just say hello and move on.

In the great beyond, it’s said there will be no mosquitoes and no telemarketers.  It’s called Heaven.

Bill McDonald

September, 2025