Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

This is not yet an official DSM diagnostic category, but for the last dozen-plus years, I’ve become somewhat of an expert in this field. If you wish to explore deeper, visit two of my monthly newsletters [I hope I can directly link to them soon]. They are from some years ago when I was new to this phenomenon.

April 2011, “The Narcissist and His Woman”*
April 2014, “Responding to the Narcissist’ Women”

Several worthy responses accompany each. In the meantime, I’ve also worked with a handful of male ‘victims’ agonizing over this same ordeal. It’s never a quick-fix struggle.

One of the joys of this work for me begins to emerge in the middle of my client’s struggles, where they start to (often slowly) realize how much the narcissistic relationship has stolen over time. One particular client, whom I now see bi-weekly, emerges from a long-buried or never-revealed part of her original self – over a few years now after she ended the narcissistic relationship. “Slow and steady wins the race.”

Here’s a list of standard responses:
“So many things are so different.”
“Like a whole different world.”
“I’m so different.”
“I was afraid to leave for so long.”
(Now it’s possible to say) “It’s no big deal, It’s totally fine.”
“I’ve made some serious progress – to undo all the crazy in there.”
“All those pieces at once now come together.”

It’s like being slowly released from a deep spell you couldn’t even realize, except for a subtle awareness something is missing. And you were trained to believe it’s your own fault.

* go to the Newsletter page and scroll down to the Newsletter Archives list.