It’s been a week now of frantic post-mortems, almost ad nauseam. Many more than Baskin Robbins teasing a diabetic with its multiverse of flavors. I would read them when I should have been getting some sleep. I needed to make some sense of some outcomes that weren’t to my liking. I wanted some guidance on what to think and how to make sense of what has been spoken by the summation of all those one-vote-per-person decision bits. And what do I want to say myself in retrospect?
Many readers will know that my primary political frame of reference is ‘progressive.’ But I don’t want to add to a political partisanship here. That’s way too easy. Is there some healthier wisdom to share from an elder brain?
One part of my professional skill package is as a marriage counselor. Several therapists shy away from this population due to the mental work of listening to couples argue. The same is true of some attorneys—many burn out from accepting divorce cases.
I do enjoy the challenges involved. Some folks get good with the Rubik’s Cube. I won’t touch one of those little monsters. But when a conflicted couple enters my office, I’m usually ‘game on.’ However, sometimes after an engaging struggle (and maybe a tired brain), I will step outside for a cleansing breath of fresh air.
Some years ago, a statistic emerged that the average American couple talks to each other only 20 minutes a week! At first, I was shocked, but then experience seemed to bear that out. Often, my heart will smile when a couple reports that “we’re at least talking a little bit more” about their past week. “Slow and steady wins the race, Bill.”
We are a very divided nation. It’s like some marriages: One person speaks Greek, the other speaks Swahili, and each claims to speak English. Even the alphabet is different. The election outcome surprised many because nobody was listening to each other. People would talk and only listen to their voices. There was no functional ability to hear through an other person’s ears.
Person A: “I don’t understand what you are talking about.”
Person B: “I’m speaking very clearly.”
Over a year ago, I wrote my August 2023 Newsletter,
about men communicating with women – developing the ability to speak, then hear ourselves through the ears of the other. (The toxicity of the Narcissistic relationship is the very absence of this skill.)
The genius of our own history of “democracy” is this very ability to listen to each other and hear each other, out of which dialogue can emerge a greater wisdom. Before the election, I would pay greater attention to candidates who spoke of, and demonstrated, a desire and skill of “reaching across the aisle.”
The secret of a good marriage is the ancient formula:
One plus one yields a greater outcome than just two 1
And it’s the genius of effective government as well. And in both cases, relationship and government, it’s not easy, it’s a learned skill and discipline.
I have a particular long-term client (for other reasons), who in many ways is quite the polar political opposite of me. But I will listen to him, and have come to appreciate his points of view. He knows I come from opposite viewpoints, but he also knows I listen to him. His primary frame of reference about the recent election is the ascendency of “the common man,” which is enshrined in our nation’s early history. “The common man” has spoken. It would be a fool’s errand to not listen.
I recall in my earlier days of being more radical than I am now, hearing the voice of William F Buckley, Jr., a prominent voice of American political conservatism especially during my college years. I can still hear his New England voice tone – and his words carefully spoken made sense! That really upset me – he made sense of the opposite of my own thinking! Had I been of a different personality, I could have said I hated him. But all I could muster was being intellectually upset by him.
I also hear the advice of my father, “Honor everything, despise nothing.” That doesn’t mean just accepting the status quo. There’s a lot of political thinking and strategizing in the wings of this new administration that could bring about a lot of suffering for a lot of people. The rich can get richer and the poor poorer. Human greed and vengeance will still want to arise from the darker corners of human nature. The need to protect the vulnerable will not diminish, including the Earth itself.
There’s a quote from Desmond Tutu (with an echo of Thomas Jefferson), “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.” – a watchfulness that encompasses both the external and internal aspects of our lives. In doing so, we can contribute to a world where freedom thrives, and the human spirit can soar unfettered by the shackles of oppression.
With the choices we make at each election, may we gather the gifts given us, and assess the work ahead, that each be an opportunity and dedication to a world we pass on to our children and their generations.
Footnote
1 That’s why I’ll occasionally comment that “The name of God is spoken more often in bedrooms than in churches.
2 thoughts on “Reaching Across – My Response to the Election”
Hi Bill,
It’s been awhile since I’ve read your newsletter (not on purpose!);I’ve missed your free life-counsling tidbits! Thank you for reminding us not to be poor losers and spiral into doomsday scenarios in our minds, creating even more work for you. I’ve received flack for posting a Bansky graffiti of a small boy, holding a globe in his hands, unleash a freeing pee on the head of DJT. It was dissed and the only thing many people registered was the urinating, not the child, holding a higher position in the street art, but the symbolism only color was the blue and green of the globe and fronds around him. DJT was a caricature. The ‘permission structure’ for bullying, taking what he wants (whether or the Nation has a say and using such nefarious messaging to joyfully lead half the country into a slaughter paddock. The pied pipers of social media have joined forces. Sadly I had to remove the post as it was too offensive but the backlash was brutal. I’ll try to reach across the aisle (the large Atlantic pond helps) and have to console myself that maybe I really don’t know what is happening in the US, after all I don’t pay taxes (anymore), buy groceries or have to fill my gas tank (my car uses LPG liquid propane gas that costs a fraction) with fossil fuels. I hang my laundry to dry, commute with a bicycle and heat with firewood that’s been selectively cut to fortify the forrest. I live a dignified life although I’ve lived near poverty since my business busted a decade ago. In the US mere survival would be a struggle but I’d have more employment opportunities. I know that ‘what if-ing- gets us no nearer to understanding ‘why’ and ‘how’ so the election run-down is getting boring. You’re right in looking ahead: how are we to cope? What can be done to bring intelligence, peace and empathy into our immediate sphere of influence. May the Peace of the Lord be always with you, my dear friend. PS the new look is refreshing, lots of white space and larger font help my aging eyes.
As always Bill, thank you for sharing your wisdom.