“There’s nothing, absolutely nothing I find attractive about her anymore.” The words hung in the air like stale cigarette smoke. I was with this man for 25 years. I was a wife, mother to three, homemaker, and business owner, but he found nothing attractive about me. I sat defeated and silent in the chair. Several weeks later, sitting in that same chair, I uttered words I thought I never would, or could. “I want a divorce.” He laughed. He was so confident that I couldn’t leave him. He was wrong.
Over that year, I had been pushed beyond my limits. I lived in a house I didn’t want. I was numb when he yelled. My parents suffered an accident in their home. While they were hospitalized, my youngest child broke his arm, followed by my oldest and middle breaking their ankles. My parents’ deaths, a week apart, were devastating. I faced it alone. It was a Hail Mary that brought us to Bill McDonald.
Bill listened. Sometimes he would tell stories or educate us on relationship dynamics. Most importantly, he was present to validate what was said. I may have been living in insanity, but I wasn’t crazy. I continued to see Bill alone after I filed for divorce. It was not the outcome I wanted, but it was needed. Bill encouraged me to look at the reality of my situation instead of the skewed view I had grown accustomed to.
Divorce was not the glamorous life others thought. It was hard. It was food stamps and Medicaid. It was navigating a flooded house and insurance, broken down cars, and children struggling with mental illness, sensory issues, drug use, and ADHD. Bill helped me find where my boundaries lie and how to enforce them. He reminded me that there were usually more solutions than originally thought. Having initially been our marriage counselor, he had firsthand knowledge and validated my experiences.
The road to healing is neither straight nor easy. It’s full of switchbacks, roadblocks, and uphill climbs. I’m glad to have had Bill’s ear and wisdom as I walked, and more so when I took a wrong turn or stepped backwards. Five years later, I scarcely resemble the woman who sat sobbing and shaking the day my kids and I moved out. Today, I am married to a loving and kind man who shows up for me and my kids. I’ve learned to co-parent with my ex, and my children are so much better off for it. Today I’m living a life I no longer have to escape from.