Readers,
I’m going to get ‘religions’ on you for a moment or two. For some, that will be fine; for others, that can be an “Oh No!”But stay with me – I think this can be useful across the board.
Boredom
Many years ago, during a difficult time, I decided it was time to read the entire Bible—cover to cover (which I’d never done before).1I remembered reading the Book of Psalms—a rather large chunk within the Old Testament—and being quite bored.
Yet the Psalms are often called ‘the Prayer Book of the Church.’ In monastic communities, the cyclical recital of the entire Psalter is their worship’s daily core, or bread and butter. Still, I could never conceive of reading them all each month as having much, if any, spiritual energy for me.
Then I found an analysis that in the original Hebrew, each verse has two parts (halves), one generally an echo of the meaning of the other. In our community prayer books, where the Psalms are recited aloud antiphonally (back and forth), this original pattern is generally honored, with the halves separated by an asterisk.In the Sunday Liturgy, the Psalms are chosen to echo themes in the other lessons of the day. I could note with my inner ear the general echo of each half of each verse, but again, I wasn’t overly attached to them.
And then…
The Conversation of the Lovers
At a recent funeral of a friend whose wife had previously died, I was musing on the antiphonal rhythm of an appointed Psalm for the service,2. All at once, I imagined Jack and Beverly united in Heaven, reading the Psalms and in their reunited marital happiness. I then named this rhythm “The Conversation of the Lovers.”
One would say something, then the other would fill out the meaning with different words, adding to the fullness of the complete thought. It was not so much the content of the conversation but the rhythm of it. That’s the way lovers talk.3 And that’s the mystery of how folks in my tradition can know to worship the Almighty.4
I can better understand the monastic language of “Praying the Psalms.”
A Second Previous Difficulty
I remember a while ago feeling that many Psalms give a lot of attention to matters of trouble and difficulty – and in a sermon, I once referred to this as a “Psalmic bitch session.” Then, we will be wrapped up with brief words, such as “God is in charge” – nothing more. Nothing! As if we don’t need to know anything more.
I’m not even sure how accurate this is anymore about the Psalms – but I will read through them all again with new eyes and ears.
This is what’s been happening to me lately.
One of my clients asked me, “Why, in my family, does nobody care whether I live or die ?”– a painful truth to encounter.In my younger years, I’d probably come up with something like, “Well, I’m not sure that’s true – surely some of them care….”But in this case, his question is based on 99% fact – I know this family.He insisted on asking again and again, “Why?” That question could lead to a ‘psychologizing’’ answer. I know ‘family systems thinking’ quite well. And I know how many times in his half a century he’s reached out to them and others for support and affirmation – and gotten virtually nothing. And it’s not his fault he’s the family scapegoat or black sheep.
I have no answer to his question that can comfort him. So I responded, “It’s as if nobody on the outside will care, at least long enough. Any care here was inevitably followed by rejection.”
All I could say was, “All you’ve got left is what’s deep inside you.” But even as he was growing up, nobody had affirmed any value in him.But I also know it can be enough, even if that’s all you have. Even without answers.” (And he was always asking me questions.)5 It was all I could say to him – that inside him he was good, certainly good enough, and then silence.
Now, I understand why each Psalm ends with a brief, “but God is in charge” and then silence. As I mature, I can begin to know that and trust it—even though it can sometimes break my own heart.
And in that Psalmic silence, where no words exist, a great Love can be felt and known. That, for me, is the second great mystery of the Psalms.
Yes, it’s time for me to revisit the great mysteries of the Book of Psalms (and this time, not be bored).
Postscript.
I have given you two different (and, for me, new) ways to know and be fed by reading the Psalms. What they have in common is not necessarily their content, but their pattern or rhythm. Lovers can be uplifted in joy, and tortured souls can be freed. The God of Love is always in charge.
Pay Attention
Footnotes
1I chose the New Jerusalem Bible (1966), which I loved. It was (of course) a translation from the original languages, initially into French, with its delightful rhythmic qualities. Then, the English translation maintained much of that immediacy of the French – which, being an auditory person, was a delight to my ear.And it was the Bible signed by my Bishop in 1970 at my ordination to the Episcopal Priesthood. Then, a new edition emerged in 1985 (The New Jerusalem Bible). So when I decided to read it all, that included the multitude of notes and introductions (My OCD was in full force!).
2Psalm 33:1-11
3It’s the rhythm of two becoming one, a third thing, which is greater than the sum of its original parts.
4The ‘conversation’ of lovers and the divine worship of the Almighty have one thing in common – the Name of God is exclaimed. I sometimes tell my clients that the Name of God is spoken more often in bedrooms than churches. And I’m not referring to the Book of Psalms on nightstands.
5This can be called “the dark night of the soul” – after the 16th-century mystic St. John of the Cross
Family dynamics can be complex, often involving a web of emotions, histories, and interpersonal connections. In Fenton, MI, like many other communities, families face challenges that can strain relationships. From communication breakdowns to unresolved conflicts, these issues can weaken the familial bond over time. However, family therapy offers a structured and supportive environment where families can address these challenges and work towards strengthening their relationships.
Understanding Family Therapy
Family therapy is a specialized form of counseling that focuses on improving communication and resolving conflicts within families. Unlike individual therapy, which primarily concentrates on the person seeking treatment, family therapy considers the family as a whole system. This approach acknowledges that individual behaviors and emotions are often interconnected with those of other family members.
In Fenton, MI, family therapists are trained to identify recurring patterns of behavior and communication within families. They help families explore how these patterns contribute to conflicts and distress. By understanding these dynamics, families can develop healthier ways of relating to each other.
Benefits of Family Therapy
1. Improved Communication
Effective communication is essential for any healthy relationship, and families are no exception. Family therapy provides a safe space for family members to express their thoughts and feelings openly. Therapists facilitate constructive dialogues, teaching families how to listen actively and communicate assertively without resorting to conflict or avoidance.
In Fenton, MI, families often find that improved communication leads to a deeper understanding of each other’s perspectives. This understanding fosters empathy and reduces misunderstandings, laying the foundation for stronger bonds.
2. Conflict Resolution
Every family encounters conflicts, whether they stem from differing opinions, generational gaps, or unresolved past experiences. Family therapy equips families in Fenton, MI, with conflict resolution skills that promote compromise and mutual respect. Therapists guide families through identifying the root causes of conflicts and finding collaborative solutions.
By addressing conflicts constructively, families can prevent resentment from building and cultivate a more harmonious environment at home.
3. Strengthened Emotional Bonds
Family therapy sessions often delve into the emotional dynamics between family members. Therapists help individuals recognize and express their emotions in a healthy manner. This emotional openness fosters trust and strengthens bonds between family members in Fenton, MI.
Through guided exercises and discussions, families learn to appreciate each other’s strengths and support one another through challenges. Over time, these shared experiences deepen their emotional connection.
4. Enhanced Problem-Solving Skills
Navigating life’s challenges as a family requires effective problem-solving skills. Family therapy teaches families in Fenton, MI, how to approach problems collaboratively and strategize solutions together. By practicing these skills in therapy sessions, families gain confidence in their ability to tackle issues outside of therapy.
This newfound resilience empowers families to adapt to changes and crises more effectively, reinforcing their unity and cohesion.
5. Support for Special Circumstances
Some families in Fenton, MI, face unique circumstances such as blended families, substance abuse issues, or chronic illnesses. Family therapy provides tailored support and strategies for managing these challenges. Therapists work with families to create personalized treatment plans that address their specific needs and goals.
This specialized support can alleviate stress, strengthen coping mechanisms, and foster a sense of solidarity among family members facing difficult circumstances.
Choosing the Right Family Therapist in Fenton, MI
Finding the right family therapist is crucial for the success of therapy sessions. Families in Fenton, MI, should consider the therapist’s qualifications, experience, and approach to therapy. It’s important to feel comfortable and understood by the therapist, as this facilitates openness and trust within the family during sessions.
Many therapists offer initial consultations where families can discuss their concerns and learn more about the therapist’s methods. This consultation allows families to determine whether the therapist’s approach aligns with their needs and goals for therapy.
Conclusion
Family therapy offers invaluable benefits for families in Fenton, MI, seeking to strengthen their relationships and navigate challenges together. From improved communication and conflict resolution to enhanced emotional bonds and problem-solving skills, therapy equips families with the tools they need to thrive. By addressing underlying issues and fostering a supportive environment, family therapy empowers families to build resilient and harmonious relationships that endure over time.
Need Counseling in Fenton, MI?
William K. McDonald PLC Counseling Services has been servicing the Fenton, Michigan area for 39 years with quality service at a reasonable price. We are a family-owned business where customer service is our highest priority. We specialize in counseling and psychotherapy, you can trust that you are in good hands with our services being dispensed by accredited Masters of Social Work. In addition, William K. McDonald has an M.DIV. in theology. Our counselors have spent years in training and preparation, so you can be secure in knowing that our service provides the quality that you need. We focus on the individual’s and couple’s needs and attention and seek to address your issues in a personal manner. Contact us today to learn more about what we can do for you.
Living with anxiety can be challenging, especially in a bustling town like Fenton, MI, where daily life can be fast-paced and demanding. Anxiety can manifest in various ways—ranging from generalized worry to specific phobias—and can significantly impact one’s quality of life. It’s important to recognize the signs and symptoms early on to effectively manage and mitigate its effects.
The Role of Mindfulness in Anxiety Management
Mindfulness is a practice that involves being fully present in the moment, without judgment. It can be a powerful tool in managing anxiety as it helps individuals acknowledge their thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. By cultivating mindfulness, residents of Fenton, MI, can learn to respond to anxiety triggers with greater resilience and clarity.
Mindfulness Techniques to Try
1. Deep Breathing Exercises
Deep breathing is a fundamental mindfulness technique that helps calm the nervous system. Residents can practice deep breathing by inhaling deeply through their nose, holding for a few seconds, and then exhaling slowly through their mouth. This simple exercise can be done anywhere, whether at home, work, or outdoors in the scenic areas around Fenton.
2. Body Scan Meditation
Body scan meditation involves mentally scanning each part of the body, starting from the toes up to the head. This practice encourages awareness of bodily sensations and helps residents recognize tension or stress early on. Apps or guided sessions available in Fenton can assist in learning and mastering this technique.
3. Mindful Walking
Fenton offers beautiful parks and trails perfect for mindful walking. Residents can engage in this practice by paying attention to each step, the sensation of the ground beneath their feet, and the sights and sounds around them. This not only promotes mindfulness but also physical exercise, which further aids in anxiety reduction.
4. Journaling
Journaling is a reflective practice where residents can jot down their thoughts, worries, and feelings. This helps in bringing awareness to triggers and patterns of anxiety. Fenton’s serene surroundings can provide an ideal backdrop for journaling, whether it’s at a local cafe or by the Shiawassee River.
5. Mindful Eating
Residents can practice mindful eating by savoring each bite, paying attention to flavors, textures, and how their body responds to food. This practice not only enhances the eating experience but also fosters a deeper connection with one’s body and its needs.
6. Mindful Communication
Mindful communication involves listening attentively to others without judgment or immediate reaction. Residents in Fenton can benefit from this technique in both personal and professional interactions, fostering stronger relationships and reducing interpersonal stressors.
Resources for Mindfulness in Fenton, MI
1. Local Meditation Classes
Fenton offers various meditation classes and workshops that cater to different skill levels. These classes provide residents with structured guidance and a supportive community for practicing mindfulness techniques.
2. Nature Retreats and Workshops
Surrounded by nature, Fenton provides an ideal setting for mindfulness retreats and workshops. These events often combine guided meditation with outdoor activities, offering residents a rejuvenating experience while learning new mindfulness practices.
3. Online Resources and Apps
Residents can also access mindfulness resources through online platforms and apps. These tools offer guided meditations, breathing exercises, and mindfulness tips that can be practiced anytime, anywhere, making them convenient for Fenton’s busy lifestyle.
Conclusion
Managing anxiety through mindfulness techniques in Fenton, MI, is not just about reducing stress—it’s about cultivating a deeper awareness and resilience in everyday life. By incorporating these practices into daily routines and utilizing the resources available in Fenton, residents can empower themselves to navigate anxiety more effectively and enjoy a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Mindfulness is a journey that begins with small steps and grows with consistent practice. Whether through mindful breathing in a local park or attending a meditation class, Fenton residents have ample opportunities to explore and embrace mindfulness as a powerful tool for anxiety management.
Need Counseling in Fenton, MI?
William K. McDonald PLC Counseling Services has been servicing the Fenton, Michigan area for 39 years with quality service at a reasonable price. We are a family-owned business where customer service is our highest priority. We specialize in counseling and psychotherapy, you can trust that you are in good hands with our services being dispensed by accredited Masters of Social Work. In addition, William K. McDonald has an M.DIV. in theology. Our counselors have spent years in training and preparation, so you can be secure in knowing that our service provides the quality that you need. We focus on the individual’s and couple’s needs and attention and seek to address your issues in a personal manner. Contact us today to learn more about what we can do for you.
Choosing a therapist can be a daunting task, especially if you’re seeking individual counseling. It’s essential to find someone who is not only qualified but also a good fit for your specific needs and personality. To make the selection process easier and more effective, consider asking the following 10 questions:
1. What are my specific goals for therapy?
Before choosing a therapist, it’s crucial to have a clear understanding of what you hope to achieve through therapy. Whether you’re seeking help for anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or personal growth, articulating your goals will guide you in finding the right therapist.
2. What experience do you have in treating individuals with issues similar to mine?
Experience matters when it comes to therapy. Inquire about the therapist’s background and whether they have worked with clients facing challenges similar to yours. This can provide reassurance that they understand your situation and have the expertise to help.
3. What is your therapeutic approach?
Therapists utilize various approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), psychodynamic therapy, or humanistic therapy. Understanding the therapist’s approach will give you insight into how they conceptualize mental health issues and their preferred methods of treatment.
4. How do you tailor your approach to individual clients?
Even within a specific therapeutic approach, therapists may tailor their methods to suit each client’s unique needs. Ask how they customize their approach and whether they integrate different techniques based on your preferences and progress.
5. What are your credentials and qualifications?
Ensure that the therapist is licensed or accredited by relevant professional organizations in your country or region. Ask about their educational background, training, and any specialized certifications related to individual counseling.
6. What are your fees, and do you accept insurance?
Therapy costs can vary widely, so it’s essential to understand the therapist’s fee structure upfront. Inquire about session fees, payment methods accepted, and whether they participate in any insurance plans that could help cover costs.
7. How do you establish a therapeutic relationship with clients?
The therapeutic relationship is key to successful therapy outcomes. Ask about the therapist’s approach to building rapport and creating a safe, trusting environment where you can openly discuss your thoughts and feelings.
8. How do you handle confidentiality and privacy?
Confidentiality is a cornerstone of therapy. Ensure that the therapist explains their policies regarding confidentiality, including when they might need to breach it (e.g., in cases of imminent harm to oneself or others) and how they handle client privacy.
9. How do you measure progress in therapy?
Understanding how the therapist evaluates progress can help you gauge the effectiveness of therapy over time. Ask about their methods for assessing progress, setting goals, and adjusting the treatment plan as needed.
10. What should I expect in terms of the duration of therapy?
Therapy duration can vary depending on your goals, the complexity of issues, and your progress. Discuss with the therapist their estimate of how long therapy might last and their approach to determining when therapy goals have been met.
Conclusion
Choosing a therapist for individual counseling is a personal decision that requires careful consideration. By asking these 10 questions, you can gain valuable insights into a therapist’s qualifications, approach, and suitability for your specific needs. Remember, finding the right therapist is a collaborative process aimed at supporting your mental health and well-being.
Need Counseling in Fenton, MI?
William K. McDonald PLC Counseling Services has been servicing the Fenton, Michigan area for 39 years with quality service at a reasonable price. We are a family-owned business where customer service is our highest priority. We specialize in counseling and psychotherapy, you can trust that you are in good hands with our services being dispensed by accredited Masters of Social Work. In addition, William K. McDonald has an M.DIV. in theology. Our counselors have spent years in training and preparation, so you can be secure in knowing that our service provides the quality that you need. We focus on the individual’s and couple’s needs and attention and seek to address your issues in a personal manner. Contact us today to learn more about what we can do for you.
A while ago, I was listening to a friend ranting about his job, specifically his boss. I heard the same word used at least four times during his complaint: “disrespect.” The term made sense to me from the various examples he gave. But that he repeated the term several times, with emphasis, took me somewhere else. I knew this word had a significant history—and it was a Trigger Word from some unresolved history.
So, in my imagination, I put the word “Disrespect” in a bubble over his head to mark my special ‘reading’ of my friend.
Then 1) I went into my Contacts app and added to his name “Trigger: disrespect.”2) I wished I had the opportunity / permission / occasion to speak to his boss myself and explain that “this employee has a trigger word that you probably used the other day accidentally, that seems to have sent him to some place either painful or ‘crazy.’ I know it upset him. Would you be willing to tell him using that word was a mistake on your part, you hadn’t meant to upset him – and find a more useful term to invite him to listen and cooperate?”
As a (better) alternative, I could advise my friend himself to approach his boss, apologizing for being triggered by a term he used, that after thinking about it, you realized he probably didn’t mean it in the particular way you heard it (giving him the benefit of the doubt).
More ‘Bubbles’
Recently, I met a new client couple virtually (by computer) in their living room. I’ve become used to doing this, and they seemed pretty comfortable with our conversation.Then, all at once, I saw on my computer a white hand arise from one of them in a bubble, which then disappeared.Then, the same thing happened from the head of the other. Then again and again – there seemed to be two different bubbles, one of a hand waving and one of an upraised finger (as if OK).I commented on it; they didn’t see the bubbles – then a short time later, they saw a white hand bubble arising from my head on their screen. They decided it was some new Emoji phenomenon. Unfortunately, I was too surprised to pay attention to the fact that perhaps some AI phenomenon was telling me or us to pay particular attention to what was being said (or not said).
But I somehow knew it was a signal—“Bill, pay attention here.”Learn to read the Bubbles. Actually, in my profession as a mental health counselor, it’s expected that I know how to listen—how to perceive their messages, conscious, semi-conscious, and unconscious. Sometimes, I call them “anxiety bubbles” – because they can be clues to anxiety patterns and even anxiety sources.
Sometimes, this gives too much information.
This is part of the therapists’ art. Many years ago, I had occasion to meet with a clergyman whose church was also the landlord of my office. I needed to inquire about their plans for my building so I could plan my future tenancy. It was an awkward meeting, for he would parrot my questions. I would say, “I’m considering future options for office space,”And he would respond, “You’re considering future options for office space.” He parroted my comments and generally refused to give me any answers or commitments. I considered he’d been taught this parroting as an immature counseling technique. But now, from an awareness of ‘anxiety bubbles,’ I’m aware he was more likely afraid of me, and this was a defense mechanism to protect himself from having to be open and honest with me.
Being able to see ‘Anxiety Bubbles’ can be a threat to the more anxious party.
How to respond
A particular client was getting anxious and preachy – yet he knows my specific views can be different than his, even though I often give him space to rant, and I am willing to listen. But on this particular occasion, his rants also involved the necessity to solve specific problems, which his growing (political) anger would not benefit. So I calmly noted his increasing anger (his long-standing ‘anxiety bubble’) and said, “If you were to let go of your anger in speaking of these things, what would happen to your ability to come up with useful problem-solving? It took some dancing around, but eventually, he came to a point where he had to ask,” But how do I do that?”
At that point, I came up with a phrase many of my clients have heard from me:“My father would say to me, ”Despise nothing, honor everything.” That stopped him in his tracks. He knew I had been listening to him, and now he was listening to me.
Be gentle in listening and responding to people’s “Bubbles,” mainly because they can be rooted deeply in problematic and toxic soil.
The Good Book itself will advise (Romans 12:17ff)
“Never pay back evil with evil, but bear in mind the ideals that all regard with respect. As much as possible and to the utmost of your ability, be at peace with everyone. Never try to get revenge:… Do not be mastered by evil but master evil with good.” TNJB
These are often difficult teachings. Be gentle with them.
Pay Attention
Perhaps today, the survival of our people depends on it.
