When working with couples, I sometimes find myself playing the role of a fight coach. I step in at a point where either or both of the combatants have lost their ability to prevail, except at the forced acquiescence or voluntary surrender of the other party. You know, ‘In order for me to win, you must lose.’
As a ‘coach’ my work is not to have one party win over the other, but as a referee to see at best that the rules of the game are followed - which may be stated that there be no “essential damage”, physical or emotional, suffered. But the fights of many couples are not the agreed and structured contentions of a sport. Police are often called when the contention reaches “blood sport” level.
As a counselor, my interventions are usually within a voluntary setting, where each party has, as a couple or individual, has agreed to work with me.
